Lately I’ve been thinking about how exhausting it is when you’re genuinely trying your best in life, but somehow you keep finding yourself disappointed.

I’ve been trying to find a job, applying, sending CVs, looking for opportunities, trying to improve myself and my qualifications… and still finding nothing. You keep telling yourself, “Just keep trying, something will work out eventually,” but after a while, it becomes really hard not to wonder what you’re doing wrong.

And it’s not just work. Sometimes you try to be a good person, understanding, patient, cooperative, and considerate. You give people the benefit of the doubt. You show up. You put effort into things. And then you realize that sometimes people take advantage of that goodness because they know you’ll probably understand.

Recently, I even decided not to participate in a conference because my research wasn’t going to be published, my questions were ignored, and it started feeling like we were mainly being brought in as an audience because someone important was attending. I had put time and effort into my research, so eventually I had to ask myself: why am I continuing to give my time when I’m not getting anything meaningful in return?

I think that’s the hardest part of growing up: realizing that doing your best doesn’t always immediately lead to good things happening.

You can work hard and still not get the job.
You can be qualified and still get rejected.
You can be kind and still be taken for granted.
You can put everything you have into something and still end up disappointed.

I’m trying to remind myself that none of this means my effort was worthless.

Maybe sometimes “doing your best” also means knowing when to stop giving to things and people that give nothing back.

Anyway, just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe someone else here is going through the same thing. ❤️