Ok, so the beginning of my sophomore year hasn’t been the greatest. Over the summer I kinda had a fling with one of my bestfriends for 5years this year and I broke up with him after two weeks cuz something felt off abt the relationship and I don’t think I was really attracted to him but I loved his personality and he’s been there for me through A LOT but I didn’t want to lead him on if I was falling out of feelings so I thought that was the best option. Well school starts and he basically ghosted me even tho he said he was fine with me and everything was ok. I confronted him abt it and he said I was just being paranoid and it turns out there was a problem he was still salty abt the break up. Before we had gotten together he told me we would still be friends like how we were before and I stupidly believed it so it hurt when he said things will never go back to how they were. Again I was stupid and said I wanted to get back with him, it took him a minute to answer but eventually said no but maybe in the future but idk anymore. Since then we’ve tried to move forward in a friendship cuz I don’t want 5 years of my life to go to waist but this past weekend I got video proof of him talking abt me and saying that I was pretty dang ugly. It hurt, not abt the ugly part cuz ik my self worth but the fact he’s talking abt me when I thought we were fine hurts the most. Now this week he’s been nothing but nice to me and has apologized for his behavior but idk if it’s cuz he really means it or he just doesn’t want everyone to hate him cuz my friends and family gave him heck when they found out abt what he said. He’s also stated that he would kill himself if he was ever with me in front of the whole class this year cuz one of my other friends was teasing him and saying that me and him would make a W couple. That hurt too, cuz he knows I’ve been through a lot when it come to mental health and that just felt like a slap in the face. I feel stupid for wasting my time with him when in reality he’s not all that and I thought I was fine with everything until school started and idk how to fricken move on. Cuz part of me is like ok just don’t associate myself with him anymore if he’s gonna hold onto the past and part of me still misses him being my bf/friend. And the choice I made over the summer keeps haunting me and idk what to do anymore. I’ve prayed abt it and asked for guidance but he’s all I can think abt and it’s annoying. I hate myself for being so naive. Sorry abt the long text if anyone has experienced something similar please help me cuz I feel like I’m losing my mind lol