I really don't know how to start this question.. But first, Here's what to know; Growing up, my dad would call me fat, I would call him fat, but it never affected me, because that's how we played. But, towards the ending of 7th grade, I liked this guy, he was guerito (Mexican, but light skinned) and we sat with each other. But, we were doing a money project, and he would say "Ima get you ozempic" or "I'll buy you fat surgery don't worry about it." & "I'll get you surgery for those teeth" or "I'll get you a forehead surgery so it can be smaller." Not really obviously, but that hurt me... So, ever since then... From 8-3 or 4 I never ate anything at school, fearing my crush (It's not the same one, it's a different person) will see me and think "Wow... what a fatty..."And that was the start of my... ✨ Insecurities ✨ ...
I am a (Turning 14 in March 17 🍀) 14 yo F, who goes to a school where, literally, every other F -younger, my age, and older- are ✨ skinny Queens ✨ . And, (I think this is important, because it might partially be the reason) obviously, they all have boyfriends (bf[s]). And so, I want a bf as well, but recently, I was crushing (liking) on this guy, and he was a tall, morenito (Brown skinned), skinny, fast, soccer player. And he knew I liked him and said nothing. Then, it turns out that he gets a girlfriend (gf[s]) who is skinny. So that crushed my whole world because I wasted all my time and effort on him... And, I think that really (emotionally) scarred me, like, a lot.. So, now I like this new guy. He's a fast, slightly taller (than me), Morenito, skinny, soccer player... Yeah, exactly the same.. And, I fear that the same thing will happen.. Or, that if, or when -because my friends be making it ANNOYINGLY obvious I like them...- he finds out I like him, He'll be thinking "Oh hell no.. How did I manage to pull that Torta (A -I guess Mexican?- insult to a F or M meaning their FAT)?!!" So, then my Tia got me this green shirt since my birthday is on a Monday (for school), but it's a crop top, or on the sides it's showing skin... So, I started freaking out because... I didn't want to wear that because... I was thinking "What if MY CRUSH sees how fat I am?!!" So, I searched up "How to get hourglass figure in 4 weeks" ... And now I'm here... So my question's are... Is it bad that I'm working out, not for myself? But for a guy, that might not even ever me MY guy??... Second question... It is bad that I don't eat at all at school fearing that, when he sees me eating, he'll think I'm fat??... Third Question... Would you consider it bad that I relate to the song "Prom Queen by Beach Bunny"? If you don't know it, and want to answer these questions, go listen to it and think about it... That's all! Have a great night, or day!!
And thank you if you responded to my 5 page essay!! And THANK YOU VERY MUCH if you read the whole thing!!! I think I just mainly used this to vent (Let my feelings out) because I have no one to talk to... Anyways... Bye!!